DIVORCED. Because of Pickle…a How-to Guide for Southern Utahns
Pickleball is the greatest sport ever invented by a couple of stoners from Washington.
Here's how to use it to get a divorce from your wife.
1 - Remind your wife to come up to the kitchen line when you're on the return.
They love being told this every point.
"Sweetie, come up!"
"You're too far back...come up by me!"
"Up here, babe!"
"Come up to the kitchen!"
And then eventually...
"Dammit, I said get your a** up to the line!!!!"
When it gets to this point, you go home from the VRBO in an Über and don't see the kids for a while.
For some reason a lot of women aren't keen on playing pickleball at the net, but don't let that prevent you from mansplaining your way into a legal separation.
2 - Remind them to stay OUT of the kitchen
You can say something like:
"Sweetie I haven't seen you in the kitchen this much since before we got married!"
No one has ever made that joke before.
Your wife is going to get a big kick out of it.
3 - Do really well with the neighborhood hussy when you switch up teams.
Affairs are rampant in pickleball communities.
It all starts when you kick trash with your new partner.
Let's say...you don't have to remind her to come up to the line every time.
Or let's say...she slams one on a game-point for the win, and you and her perform a sort of complicated handshake that has several steps that culminates in the two of you jumping in the air and "side-bumping"...
Call your lawyer.
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