9 Hilarious Reasons St. George Is #4 For Retirement

Way to Go St. George, Utah

A big congratulations to St. George Utah. Recognized by Yahoo Finance as one of the top 4 best retirement communities. It got me to wonder what qualifies an area to be a good as a retirement spot.

Here are a few must-have features that should be included to make an area sing for retirement:

Unlimited Early Bird Specials – St. George is great for this because nothing fuels a fun retirement like discount dinners at 4 PM.

Golf Courses Every Twenty-Five Feet – It’s not retirement until your backyard is the putting green. Southern Utah is pretty good on golf courses/person, but I think we could increase the greens a bit. I mean I swear I drove across some acreage that was not being golfed.

Traffic Never Exceeds 25 MPH – The fast lane? Not in this town. Cruise controls should be set and not able to exceed this breakneck speed.

Doctors on Every Corner – Just in case your knee really does give out this time during your pickleball shoot out.

Year-Round Perfect Weather – St. George is pretty gold for the winters, but retirement should never involve the punishing summer heat.

A Dedicated “Complain About Young People” Meetup – Someone needs to discuss their terrible taste in music and let’s be clear any music that is not our music is terrible.

Neighborhood Watch That’s Basically Just Gossip – Security and entertainment, all in one.

A “Where Did I Put My Glasses?” Hotline – Available 24/7 for life’s greatest mystery.

Stores That Actually Help You Find Things – None of this “It’s aisle 47C” nonsense. Walk, guide or roll me to the item, please.

Read More: See This Soaring Utah Slot Canyon in Luxury and AC

Why Is This Funny?

I'm not retired yet and at this rate I don't know if that is in my future, but every year the issues of the retirees becomes more funny and... ahem, relevant. So, congratulations St. George now let's work on this list and maybe next time we will be number one.